ramblings in between

No thanks, no more, no love
I’m done, I’ve had enough. . .
—lyrics from a Rachael Yamagata song

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This is one of my favourite poems. I couldn’t remember who wrote it, just one line resonated in my mind: “the dog of my heart.”

Love Without Love
by: Luis Llorens Torres

I love you, because in my thousand and one nights of dreams,
I never once dreamed of you.
I looked down paths that traveled from afar,
but it was never you I expected.
Suddenly I’ve felt you flying through my soul
in quick, lofty flight,
and how beautiful you seem way up there, far
from my always idiot heart.
Love me that way, flying o’er everything.
And, like the bird on its branches, land in my arms
only to rest,
then fly off again.
Be not like the romantic ones who, in love, set me on fire.
When you climb up my mansion,
enter so lightly, that as you enter
the dog of my heart will not bark.

I often thing of song lyrics in relations to the situations in my life. Unfortunately, most of the songs I love are super sad and/or sappy love songs/ballads.

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I should be in class right now. It started at 3:30. I guess I should go, just to sign the roll, at least.

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The opening reception for the photography show is tonight. I got compliments on my work from three people, including my teacher. That’s cool. I’m not expecting to win anything, but if I do, it’s a plus. Some nice prizes are up for grabs, and I could really use a new camera bag.

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Yeah, so I’m totally wasting time right now. I should go to class.

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I must make a valient effort not to fail photography this semester.

After almost letting it slip my mind, I remembered to go to the photo lab today to print the image I wanted to submit to the show that will be hosted by USA’s Photography Association this Friday. I got the image printed, spot toned, and framed in a timely manner. I went to Wal-Mart to look for a 16″ x 20″ frame, and I bought 2 for a little under $10 a piece. Not bad at all. I was expecting them to be way more expensive.

After I picked up the frames, I went to get a bag of dog food for the animals. I selected the usual 50lb bag, but when after I picked it up, I had trouble lifting it into the basket. There was a woman in the aisle, and upon seeing my struggle, she asked her son to help me by either holding the basket. The boy couldn’t have been more than eight or nine years old, and he was about 4′9 tall, so I felt awkward for a moment having him lift the bag for me. Actually, he couldn’t get the bag all the way up, either, so I helped him lift while holding the basket while his mom helped me move the picture frames out of the way.

The boy asked me what kind of dog I had, and I told him that I had lots (six, to be exact, plus 5 puppies). He said that he had just gotten a dog.

I’ll always remember this little boy, and how kind he was for helping me with the dog food bag. I’m glad his mother is instilling in him such manners. Hopefully he’ll grow up with such ideals intact. God, he was so adorable too, with shot cropped brown hair, rosy cheeks, and little freckles across his nose. Michael is his name.

My encounter with these two people was a nice contrast to this gay guy at the photo lab who tried to jank my hair. All I can do is roll my eyes at the thought. The experience is so ludicrous that I don’t feel like recounting the details. All I know is that he like to resort to using expletives to express himself in an attempt to come off clever, but in reality it only makes him looked unlearned for not knowing how to express himself in a more enlightened manner.

But whatever. As long as there are sweet boys like Michael being brought up, there’s hope.

While out with a friend last weekend, he told me of a art show featuring the work of a aquaintance of his. He told me that the work was mostly photomanipulations done in phototshop, and that he didn’t think it was that good. Later this week in photography class, someone else mentioned the show, and someone who had seen it said that the work looked very professional, and they were obviously impressed with it’s quality.

Now, I haven’t seen the work, but I have met the artist. He’s a fellow art student. I’m eager to see the work now, though because of the two conflicting opinions of the work. I wonder if my views of the work would be more in line with my friend, or my classmate.

Leprechaun in the Ghetto

All I can do is shake my head.

Last night, I had one of the most elaborate and telling and involved dreams that I’ve ever had, at least in a very long time. I think it’s been years since I’ve had a dream that was so layered and textured. The imagery was beautiful, quite memorable, extremely fantastic. . .and I”m trying to burn it onto my memory, because the storyline was absurd, but also very interesting. I’m pretty sure I can use many elements from the dream from a future storyline.

The events of a dream also acted as a mirror in which to see myself and my current desires. I got something I’d been longing for a long time, but after I received it, I realized the price is too high. I would lose a friend and gain nothing of permanence.

All I have are the memories now. They could be all I need to get over what I’ve been feeling for so long. It would be great if that turns out to be so. Only I can make it so.

The theme is “Illuminations”, and I think this image fits the bill. I’ll have to have it printed and framed by next Tuesday, though. The entry fee is $10 and you can submit up to two pieces. I can probably only afford to get one thing framed, though. I had no idea frames were so expensive until I started thinking about submitting things to art shows.

I can barely believe it myself, but here’s how it went down.

For the past few months I’ve been frequenting this new Chinese Restaurant near my home. My sister had been getting Bible based literature in the Chinese language, so one Sunday, she asked me to offer some to CiCi, who works at the restaurant. CiCi was very intrigued that we had literature in Mandarin, since neither of us speak Chinese. So, we chat for a bit, and she takes down our phone numbers.

Later, Cici asked me if I would be willing to take her to the mall one day. Mind you, this is, like, a week after I’ve presented the literature to her. So, I schedule to take her to the mall that weekend. While we’re on our outing, CiCi proceeds to relate to me how she could tell that me and my sister were different from a lot of American girls, i.e, more conservative, to put it mildly. I was thinking that she had to be either really naive or an excellent judge of character to ask me to take her somewhere without knowing much about me.

A little while later, Cici, asks me if I could return an item of clothing to the store for her, and I agree. Again, she’s placing her trust in me to return an item worth almost $40 and bring her back the refund. It was no big deal because I wasn’t thinking of stealing her money or anything, but many people would. . .

So, time passes, and I continue to frequent the restaurant because their food is good, and CiCi is really nice. She has the most infectious smile and interacts well with her customers. Whenever I’m there, CiCi takes time to sit and chat with me. She really wants to practice and improve her English, and I’m all for that.

Today, she called my cell for the first time, and asked if I could come by the restaurant because she wanted to talk to me about something. I had no idea what she could want, but she had never called me before, so I figured it was pretty important; I just hoped that it wasn’t anything bad.

I realize that I’ve given away the end of this little anecdote from the title, and it’s that I got a job. Yay. My duties involve taking orders and working the register, and cleaning the tables, making sure that the condiment tray is full. And I’m making a decent amount above minimum wage as well.

I must say, I never thought my first real job would be working at a Chinese food restaurant, but wonders never cease.

I’ve been working on getting my new web site design up since last night. I’m having a few kinks with getting my blog to repost, since I changed some file folders. Argh. Hopefully I can fix it after this post. I can’t exactly say that Spring Break has flown by, because a lot of things did happen, and I did get things done. Hopefully, I can stay on this productive streak.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get any school-related work done. I totally should have chosen painting as a minor rather than photography, but it’s kind of too late to change it now. Oh well.

Well, today was an emotional whirlwind.

God, I don’t feel like recounting every detail. Once again, I didn’t go on the photo hunt, as planned. Let’s sum up things from there.

• I didn’t get to sleep in because a certain sibling needed me to accompany her out in early morning field service.

• After getting home, I only had an hour to prepare for my outing, so I couldn’t really catch up on the lost sleep.

• Someone didn’t show up, causing me much worry and frustration, resulting in memories of past scenarios of abandonment.

• I gave a gift, and was reminded of what a great friend I am.

• I signed a cast.

Though the day was somewhat redeemed, I’m still feeling quite blah. I don’t know why. I need an escape. Sleep seems like the ticket, but whenever I lay down I’m overwhelmed by my own racing thoughts.

Comfort food might do the trick though. . .I just want to replace whatever it is I’m feeling right now.

Well, these pictures make smile.